Chaing+Kai+Shek+2+September+8th+1945

 **SEPTEMBER 15TH 1945**

The war in Japan is finally over, and the Japanese surrendered a month ago on August 15th - sadly I have been rather preoccupied until now and have had no respite to allow myself to the luxury of spending half and hour wallowing in my own mind as one must invariably do when writing a journal.

Perhaps today was not the best day to do this. My mind, though usually quite a somber place is uncharacteristically despondent today.

I am not usually one for indulging in self pity but it seems today that as soon as one conflict is dispelled another one rises to take its place. Problems loom around me like shadows of my enemies, threatening to close me off from the light forever, and I cannot take any action to eradicate them without angering at least one group of people.

When Japan surrendered it should have been the end our our problems however for a month now I have had to ask them to delay their surrender until the KMT troops can reach them, and because of our greatly weakened authority I do not know when this will be. I had to make this decision - if the Japanese soldiers surrendered to the CDP it would be fatal and the Communists would gain far too much power. Yet the Chinese citizens are in outrage, and the worst part of this is that I know that they have a good reason. What kind of leader not only allows but asks the very people that have terrorized his country and committed unspeakable atrocities to his people to stay for longer?

What kind of incompetent leader cannot mobilize his forces effectively in order to quickly dispel this unwelcome foreign presence?

I have become the leader I always swore I would never become. My whole life I have tried to be strong. I have tried not to allow myself to show weakness and my greatest fear was that I would be a leader with no power. A leader that nobody took seriously.

And now my nation is crumbling around me.

And I have nobody to blame but myself.

Officials of my government have become corrupt and have been engaging in unlawful activities that have, as consequence, reflected very poorly upon the Chinese government as a whole. And how could it not - it takes a leader with very little control over his people to be unaware of atrocities of such a large scale. Our economy is ruined. High war costs. Artifically high money printing rates that led to inflation. Corrupt officials hoarding money. Since my last diary post our miliatary had developed to the point that near the end of the war is was China that went on the offensive strike to contribute to driving the Japanese our of our country. However what good is military strength - especially in a situation like now - when there is no economy to support it?

I am never free. When my eyes are closed the problems that plague China swirl around me and torment me. My eyes are closed. A never ending scream.

And now another problem. Yesterday, due to America's unrelenting insistence I met with Mao Zedong for peace talks yesterday in order to facilitate some sort of peaceful resolution. I had sworn never to collaborate with Communist scum, yet after I had caused the people of my country so much suffering I felt as though I had to at least attempt to spare them this conflict. For the first time the people of China feel safe and... to create another war as soon as peace has finally been reached...

Yet in the end I couldn't do it. I couldn't look that barbarian in the eye and not curl my lip in disgust. I could not bring myself to agree to his ridiculous ideas that he recited like a show parrot, a smug smile hugging his thin toad like mouth. In the end there was no middle ground between our ideologies. We were just too different. There is no way to have a totalitarian government coexist with the people's freedom.

Whenever I talked his eyes glazed over, not even attempting to conceal his condescending sneer. He shot down my ideas and dreams for China with idiotic ramblings about equality and the 'greater China' that would be achieved under Communist rule. I had tried, I had prepared all night the things I was going to say to him. And he didn't even attempt to listen. He didn't even bother to consider that I might be - and was - right. And in the end it was as easy as slamming down the papers in my hand. It was as easy as walking up to that short smug creature and lifting him up by the collar of his shirt. It was as easy as spitting in his face before his guards could reach me and walking out of the room disgusted at his ignorance and my stupidity at ever agreeing to meet him.

There will //never// be peace between that them and us.

And now a conflict is on the horizon. It is coming - I can feel it.