Chaing+Kai+Shek+2+January+2nd+1937

 **JANUARY 2ND 1937**

“Unite against a greater enemy.” They said.

I’ll kill them.

My entire life. **My enitre life** I have dedicated to abolishing Communism. Every action I have taken has been for that purpose. Every decision I have made And now I am being forced to work with them. To work - to cooperate! - with these parasites!! To ally with the physical embodiment of everything I hate. The scum of the earth. The most //idiotically// idealistic idea that is destined to fail in execution from its first implantation. An idea that tries to justify a totalitarian dictatorship with absurd illusions and unattainable promises of “equality."

If it were up to me, if there was no consequences to think of, if the situation were different, I would kill them. But this is the reality. I cannot take drastic actions against them now. Yet the Communists are a perpetual thorn in my side and how this alliance will function when each side cannot stand even the mere presence of the other I cannot fathom.

Zhang Hseuh-liang.

The man (a term here used with varying degrees of contempt and irony) disgusts me. A man only in physical embodiment. He does not understand concepts like pride, dignity and strength, and as a result he is weak.

His **weakness** disgusts me.

Who did he think he was sitting there making a ridiculous spectacle of himself last week?! Like weeping and prostrating himself before me like some pathetic street urchin will make me change my mind about the policy in Japan. I grew up without a father and I was able to learn quickly enough about strength. My childhood was spent caring for my mother and sister while balancing work and school. If something went wrong, I had to fix it. I had to take decisive action. As I sat there watching him bawling and moaning about my policy of dealing with internal problems first, I felt like I did not even know him. It was utterly pathetic. And finally, when I couldn’t bear to watch the ridiculous spectacle for even one more minute I told him that I would not change my mind even if he were to go as far as committing suicide in front of me. Harsh words, but necessary at that time.

I guess the kidnapping was his retaliation. His extremely belated attempt to regain some semblance of his man hood. Not realizing it is too late.

Yes. His weakness disgusts me.

But his ignorance **angers** me. He blindly went about his task so sure that he was right - he kidnapped me, he held me hostage in Xi’an, he forced me to ally myself with the CDP, because he is so wrapped up in his own delusions of what he mistakenly thinks is best for China. Why can he not see that it is not Japan that is the “greater threat’? Japan’s attack is comparable to a surface wound on an individual’s skin. It may hurt and it may be undesirable, but fundamentally it is it not fatal. Great degrees of care are not required and in time it will heal. //Why can he not see the dangers of Communism?// If Japan’s attack is a wound, Communism is a cancer. Communism is a cancerous tumor that grows inside a person, which destroys them from the inside. If it is left alone it is most definitely fatal, thus to rid oneself of cancer one must eliminate all traces of the tumor – if even one tiny piece of it is left it will grow again. And it will be just as dangerous. Just as fatal. Communism is a cancer growing in China and removing every trace of it from this country is just as urgent and vital as removing a tumor.

But wait - no. I speak too soon.

It is even **more** vital. It is more vital because we are talking about a country. Our country. China. If Communism grows in China, it is not just one individual that will lose its life. An entire country will die. Mao Zedong will kill China from the inside. All of the civilization we have thus worked for. All of the progress we have made. It will all have been for nothing.

And at this time when the issue of removing Communism is more vital and pressing than ever they are forcing me to work with it. To work **with** the goddamned cancer!

//It makes me sick.//